The Courage to Die… Again… Again.

ImageWe are drawn to discover what’s waiting out there without yet knowing if we have the courage to face it. We are all looking for answers that will satisfy a hunger felt for a very long time. Although you may perceive these steps as walking through life and living, they have much more to do with having the courage to die, the courage to die continually. Die to who you are so you birth to who you can become.The journey we each take is the walk upon a fine line of yes or no, have or have not, to be or not to be… living and dying… death and birth… and rebirth. As I look upon my life, I see there has always been a constant longing. Initially, it began as a longing for things… objects of beauty that would allow me to feel my senses. Then it changed to a longing to share and connect with another… but even this never filled it. It evolved into a longing to create… and I got busy doing just that. However, I quickly… or not so quickly, depending on how you judge time, I realized what I wanted still eluded me.
It had no name, shape or form. I know it is out there but do not know what it is. It beckons me… calls to me… seduces me. Yet I cling to my line, the place between living and dying… the place of neutrality, nothingness, a more subtle sense of numbness. I was being drawn to discover it, to meet it… to become intimate with me in the process of finding it. I wanted answers. I want to touch my true power… taste who I really am… know my own truth. I knew it was bigger than I, and would ask of me more than I thought possible to give. Would I be willing to say YES to it, and perhaps NO to everything I had come to know as myself, my life, family, friends and identity? Could I die to who I was to see who I could become? Could I have the courage… to die?
Those watching would perceive me as crazy for even considering it… for leaving my life? For taking the risk and letting go? No one would understand. They did not need to. It did not concern them. It did not concern anyone else but me. I had died so many times in my 44 years… more frequently in the last 11 years. Could I die yet again… in the greatest possible way this time. Would I be asked to let go of everything? My marriage? My identity? My children? My career? My personality? My limitations? My beliefs about who I was and what I could have?
I knew If I did not I would die inside. If I said YES, I would die on the outside. What was the greater of the two sacrifices? Or were they sacrifices at all? Dying on the inside would be a sacrifice. Dying on the outside could only be a birth. It could only provide something new. At the very least it would give me an experience of courage and self love like never before. In the laws of the Universe, such an action can only create equal opposite results and mirrors. All that could result was a reflection of equivalent love. I have chosen to step into courage.. the walk of courage that leads to death… I’ll see you on the other side.
YOUR life and life choices does not concern anyone else but YOU. Do not let yourself die on the inside… Instead die to the outside and see what can be birthed anew… more powerful, more courageous, more beautiful and magnificent than you could possible know. You know if it is time…it has been nagging at you for a while. What will you choose? Can you listen to the voice within asking you for something more… longing for something unknown… asking you to die? It is the rainbow… and you are the pot of gold at the end. Are you willing to see what happens if you seek the end of the rainbow?
With Love, Of Love, In Love Always in All Ways…
Simran Singh  —  — www.